They say you are as old as you think you are. And now I understand why it is so.
I was the brainy-kid in the family. Something my parents always wanted. I was pushed into a lot many things as a child. Bharatnatyam, Sea Cadet Corps, Karate, Bal-vihar, workshops, libraries etc. Dad and Mum always wanted me to be an overall kid. My sister on the other hand was a pampered one as the whole attention was on my upbringing and I think they thought she would eventually follow, looking at me. So having trusted upon with so much expectation I HAD to do all of the things and not miss a single thing. I never really went to tuitions except in Xth and XIIth. Mom and Dad would tutor me at home. I used to have a strict schedule ala princess minus the privileges. I was always taught “You only EARN stuff; you never GET them for free”. So on day one of my academics Mom and Dad would ask me for a wish list for that year and they would be arranged on the basis of the most NEEDED one. So that was my target. If I would come first at school or the short term classes I would get this n that. That is how I earned my first cycle, first watch, my walkman, my jeans, my wallet, my first BALLET shoes, Casio piano, tidbits from Archie’s, my first coffee mug, my first Pierre Cardin pen, my first gold chain with a heart-shaped locket etc.
It was early learning for me, always chasing something or the other. When I moved out of school it was the college degree, then the Armed Forces, then a PG degree and then a job. I never quite remember what I actually did when I was teenager!! When people would go to Navy Balls looking for BFs I was busy texting them and helping them how to take the first move or what to say if asked for a dance. When people were busy coloring their hair, I was busy putting oil on my sister’s head. When people were roaming around with so called can-be-might-be, I was busy planning for slumber with my gurlies. I never quite lived it as I was concerned with and chasing my next goal. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think of boys at that age but then Nick Carter, Enrique, Milind Soman were my only can-be-might-be. Also not to forget I felt extremely guilty to indulge in the teenage-thingies coz my cousins on the other hand were less privileged ones and I at that time I didn’t want to end up with a husband who would expect a room-service ala thingy.
I was scared most of the time. I wanted to spend my own money. Why put the burden on one’s parent? It was more than enough that they paid for the education and mostly let a GIRL study when the others in the family went against saying “she wouldn’t find a match!!” Thank God for not letting my parents listen to it.
And today I have a decent job, still chasing a dream job. But I have found that youthfulness back, have colored my hair, sit for fish pedicures, take out little kids for a night walk with a friend’s dog, run and exercise, wear colors with accessories even to office , listen to the music I should have had, speak for hours with the ones who stood by, go out for movies ALONE, put up statuses that coz furor, watch the silliest of movie on the phone and do FB all day long just like school kids and most of all be with family as much as I can. It aint satisfying but it definitely feels like I am doing my thing. And I don’t worry about anyone coming along anymore. Coz if it has to, it will. And when it does, it will leave me with “OMG”… 🙂