Monthly Archives: July 2012

Pati ka Aatank!!

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I have noticed that an Indian Naari in her twenties is mostly judged based on her marital status. The prospect of being 26+ and unmarried at the same time is equal to eating meat at a temple which is astoundingly shocking and inappropriate. This fact has annoyed me to such an extent in the past that it actually stopped affecting me for a while until today.

Over the past 6 years I have seen my group of single friends dwindling at a fast pace. At a point it appeared to me that a higher number of the human population started to believe that the world was coming to an end in 2012 and all women in their twenties had to be married away so that they could at least die “Suhagan”. Well  if the 2012 myth was really true what is the whole point in getting married now anyways?

When asked to define husband I have always said “Those mean men who steal away the glorious times with your girlfriends.”

For instance think of a few girls with whom you grew up since you were 3 years old, girls who saw you fall off the swing, girls from whose fridge you ate up ever best south-indian delicacies n Swiss chocolates, girls with whom you learnt sine cos theta in Math, colorful paintings in painting classes, girls whose pencils and erasers you borrowed, lost them and never returned, girls with whom book reading with voice-modulation was the IN-thing, and girls who actually saw you with no make-up and eyebrows like Kroor Singh from Chandrakanta 😉

To the above girls add those girls you ran to discuss your first crush paranoia with, girls whose cry-baby faces you remember on the first day of your school/college, girls with whom you shared all your master copies of assignments and girls who lovingly lent you their Nokia phone to play the brick game and make prank calls to the stupid professor. Mix them together. Top this off with those girls who were there with you through more mature and major phases in your life for e.g. during your joblessness, through the rejection at Army/Air Force Conference, girls who helped you do silly yet meaningful things such as unnecessary shopping, aimless conversations into the night and gave you the right kind of advice when you were totally out of place.

Marriage changes each one of these girls. You are then conveniently shoved into the back of their heads. And if you are lucky enough they’ll probably think of you once in a year when it’s your birthday. (Medha you are an exception) I have tried to understand and reason with them which are total waste. Why does the whole wide world revolve around their husbands? Actually the weirdest thing is that when a man remains a boy friend the girl is all normal. The trouble begins only when the boyfriend turns into a husband. What is it? Is it the responsibility? Is it the sex? Is it the whole deal with being a  “Bharatiya Nari”? I wonder!

Although this is directed to every married girl in general and no one in particular I am just in the mood to do some random rambling.

  • You cannot make a call to her after 6 PM. That’s because her husband’s with her. Also calling on a weekend is a total privacy encroachment.
  • You no longer get to hear any juicy details “Yes, we did it and it’s no big deal” is all you get to hear from the same girl who described to you, her first kiss for about an hour.
  • The entire Facebook is now dedicated to her husband. Her profile pics, cover pics, statuses, you name it and all you see is “mera pati, mera pati, mera pati.” Yeah! Deal with all the lovey-dovey updates, her husband is the best man on earth.
  • Don’t bother buying her any gifts. Your little piece of love will seem like David in front of Goliath. The mean guy, her husband, would have already purchased the city for her.
  • Face it! No conversation is complete without the Patidev finding his way in.
  • She hasn’t had the time to call you in 5 months? Consider yourself lucky, there is a mutual friend she hasn’t called for about 8 months now.
  • You tell her that you are still lying lazily in bed at 9am on Karvachauth. She will sound like you are a homo of the highest order
  • No more trips with her. No, not even if you ask her 6 months ahead. She already has the next decade planned out.
  • Pati is Parameshwar.
  • Get married! It’s the way to be. It’s amazing (right!! I see you mob around, run behind children, make dabbas for your husband n that’s the way to be )
  • Learn the language of a 1 year old; she will make you talk to them quite often.
  • If she posted tons of messages on your Facebook wall earlier, drop your hopes now. She will seem sooooper busy with her life and absolutely dead on social networking sites but hey, she has the time to ‘LIKE’ all the posts by her husband. She will console you by asking you to go and look at her old messages. “Facebook has Timeline now, what for?”
  •  Texting equals hours of conversations on the phone.
  • Oh! She had a favorite hero? Her husband is her life-time hero now.
  • She will tell you that she was engaged in April, to be married in December, sometime in May. It really doesn’t matter to her that you weren’t informed. Look out for the excuses! Horoscopes, elders-ka-mamla, nazar-lag-jati and a butt load of crap. (This is specifically targeted to the crazy woman who actually did this to me)

I hope I haven’t rubbed anyone on the wrong side. Its just that a part of me still misses being around you and do the silly old thing. Remember we had planned to stay single all our lives!! 😉 that’s too much to ask now but I can atleast figure on your to-do-list-of the month!!! 🙂

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