Pati ka Aatank!!

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I have noticed that an Indian Naari in her twenties is mostly judged based on her marital status. The prospect of being 26+ and unmarried at the same time is equal to eating meat at a temple which is astoundingly shocking and inappropriate. This fact has annoyed me to such an extent in the past that it actually stopped affecting me for a while until today.

Over the past 6 years I have seen my group of single friends dwindling at a fast pace. At a point it appeared to me that a higher number of the human population started to believe that the world was coming to an end in 2012 and all women in their twenties had to be married away so that they could at least die “Suhagan”. Well  if the 2012 myth was really true what is the whole point in getting married now anyways?

When asked to define husband I have always said “Those mean men who steal away the glorious times with your girlfriends.”

For instance think of a few girls with whom you grew up since you were 3 years old, girls who saw you fall off the swing, girls from whose fridge you ate up ever best south-indian delicacies n Swiss chocolates, girls with whom you learnt sine cos theta in Math, colorful paintings in painting classes, girls whose pencils and erasers you borrowed, lost them and never returned, girls with whom book reading with voice-modulation was the IN-thing, and girls who actually saw you with no make-up and eyebrows like Kroor Singh from Chandrakanta 😉

To the above girls add those girls you ran to discuss your first crush paranoia with, girls whose cry-baby faces you remember on the first day of your school/college, girls with whom you shared all your master copies of assignments and girls who lovingly lent you their Nokia phone to play the brick game and make prank calls to the stupid professor. Mix them together. Top this off with those girls who were there with you through more mature and major phases in your life for e.g. during your joblessness, through the rejection at Army/Air Force Conference, girls who helped you do silly yet meaningful things such as unnecessary shopping, aimless conversations into the night and gave you the right kind of advice when you were totally out of place.

Marriage changes each one of these girls. You are then conveniently shoved into the back of their heads. And if you are lucky enough they’ll probably think of you once in a year when it’s your birthday. (Medha you are an exception) I have tried to understand and reason with them which are total waste. Why does the whole wide world revolve around their husbands? Actually the weirdest thing is that when a man remains a boy friend the girl is all normal. The trouble begins only when the boyfriend turns into a husband. What is it? Is it the responsibility? Is it the sex? Is it the whole deal with being a  “Bharatiya Nari”? I wonder!

Although this is directed to every married girl in general and no one in particular I am just in the mood to do some random rambling.

  • You cannot make a call to her after 6 PM. That’s because her husband’s with her. Also calling on a weekend is a total privacy encroachment.
  • You no longer get to hear any juicy details “Yes, we did it and it’s no big deal” is all you get to hear from the same girl who described to you, her first kiss for about an hour.
  • The entire Facebook is now dedicated to her husband. Her profile pics, cover pics, statuses, you name it and all you see is “mera pati, mera pati, mera pati.” Yeah! Deal with all the lovey-dovey updates, her husband is the best man on earth.
  • Don’t bother buying her any gifts. Your little piece of love will seem like David in front of Goliath. The mean guy, her husband, would have already purchased the city for her.
  • Face it! No conversation is complete without the Patidev finding his way in.
  • She hasn’t had the time to call you in 5 months? Consider yourself lucky, there is a mutual friend she hasn’t called for about 8 months now.
  • You tell her that you are still lying lazily in bed at 9am on Karvachauth. She will sound like you are a homo of the highest order
  • No more trips with her. No, not even if you ask her 6 months ahead. She already has the next decade planned out.
  • Pati is Parameshwar.
  • Get married! It’s the way to be. It’s amazing (right!! I see you mob around, run behind children, make dabbas for your husband n that’s the way to be )
  • Learn the language of a 1 year old; she will make you talk to them quite often.
  • If she posted tons of messages on your Facebook wall earlier, drop your hopes now. She will seem sooooper busy with her life and absolutely dead on social networking sites but hey, she has the time to ‘LIKE’ all the posts by her husband. She will console you by asking you to go and look at her old messages. “Facebook has Timeline now, what for?”
  •  Texting equals hours of conversations on the phone.
  • Oh! She had a favorite hero? Her husband is her life-time hero now.
  • She will tell you that she was engaged in April, to be married in December, sometime in May. It really doesn’t matter to her that you weren’t informed. Look out for the excuses! Horoscopes, elders-ka-mamla, nazar-lag-jati and a butt load of crap. (This is specifically targeted to the crazy woman who actually did this to me)

I hope I haven’t rubbed anyone on the wrong side. Its just that a part of me still misses being around you and do the silly old thing. Remember we had planned to stay single all our lives!! 😉 that’s too much to ask now but I can atleast figure on your to-do-list-of the month!!! 🙂

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33 responses »

  1. Dahling i can shoo Ray away for you. Trust me on that. :* love you yaar. You are on my speed dial list. My poor baby. 😦 i am feeling really bad after reading this.

    • Aww i miss him too 😦 I was busy with something re..n then u know how it goes..wil ring ya smtime soon..:*

  2. Oh ho ho!! Khud madam shadi kar fir bolna. I am sure tu toh FB profile hi deactivate kar degi. Aur karwachauth chod woh to baad ki baat hai abhi se somwar vrat, ganpati vrat, ye vrat wo vrat baad mein to bhagwan hi bachaye. Ladke nahi milte vrat karne se. Dhoondne se aur milne se milte hain. Jo tujhe karna nahi hai, jaise pragat hone wale hai tere liye shivji.
    Mazzak kar rahi hun, ro mat cry-baby. Acha likha hai yaad aa rahi hai teri ab

    • Huh?? U really din had to write all that!! Tu kya karti hai yaar.. N pls mujhe to vrat par updesh mat hi de!!EOD

  3. Heena aise articles mat likha kar. Ladke nahi milenge. You know you wrote what I keep it to myself. Seriously what happens to girls after marriage. Ladke ki bhi shadi hoti hai woh aise behave nahi karte. Maza aa gaya. You are awesome

  4. You are 26+ and still unmarried!!You gotto write about that. We all do this knowingly so that you go and find someone to live with. Get over your study-job-walks routine Heena. Clock is ticking 😉

  5. OMIGOD!! Blamer!! Get a life first I mean a husband and then write such stuff. Badi aayi. Now I am going to write Heenaji ki ansooni kahani humari zubaani. 😛
    And our juicy details are not like your MnB so y share 😉
    Hasi bhi aa rahi hai aur gussa bhi tujh par. Shadi karle sympathise karegi humse.

      • Oi jhagdegi nahi?? whatever happened to the Jhansi-ki-rani-spirits 😛
        Tu na jhagadna seekh le shadi ke baad yahi karna hota hai. Kuch bolegi nahi to woh samjhega tu bheegi-billi hai. Mere hi ghar aa. Shantanu se ek din jhagda kar ke dekh, samajh jayegi 😛

      • U’ve rotten dahling!! N m ur only hope..din ke 10min nikal aur baat karo mujhse..that’s nt gonna gv u LIFE bt certainly a drift from the roz ka nautanki..SAMJHI? n shantanu hai kya cheese? U hvent seen my hidden talent yet 😉

  6. i ve been reading your blog for quite sometime..n i shud say ur doin a gud work! but wrt this one..it was hilaruous but don you think you ll also prob follow suit!

    anywayz enjoyed reading it…gud one!

  7. Hehe,,,That’s how gals change – but a quick question: Are you married? I am thinking you aren’t. And that’s why you won’t get it now. Some time down the line, you will…when you get married – and by the way, I’m not married I’m the 27-year old ‘odd’ thing who’s not getting married

    • Hey angelica.. you are rite m not 😀
      u sound absolutely like my mum..n m gonna show it to her to add one more being in that list..currently m the only one holding the SINGLES title as per her .. 😉
      Happy reading!!

    • Thank you soooooooooooo much Divya.. 🙂
      Even m awaitn 😉 n gonna prove a lot of ppl wrong by multi-taskin 😀

  8. Such a simple post but it touched my heart. Women go berserk after getting married I guess. Keep it up. I like reading your posts. They are so ME.

  9. I can 100% say you were the Hero for your friends and since its been taken over by a life-time hero you are feeling the pinch. All in all a nice post. I have been visiting this site often and find your work with words astounding. You are so real.

    • :O
      Heroine wud have been nice..m called that 😉
      thank you for the kind words..trust me i sucked at school with words..all that came out was “yearite..obviously..yearite..obviously..yearite..obviously..” 😛

  10. bahahaha… i so was expectin the usual taunts from others to u… 😛 wat a post and wat comments… jus wat i needed to finish this weekend off wid… u know dahling u r a STAR!! we all love you for ur simplistic ways heena…hum badal jaye par tum mat badalna… 🙂

    • haan haan..zaroor..tum sab badlo par i shud be the same..huh.. star-var nahi hu re..tum logon ki badollat jo matter milta hai wo likh deti hun..acha apne aap lag jata hai 😉

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