Author Archives: queenofmars

New age partnership! #alotlikelove

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“You are your husband’s pet Heena.”

“No one gets a husband like that.”

Yes no one does. But I have always been a special needs child from the time I remember. I received love just when i needed and just as much amount i should have and yes that gets me comments like above.

I and my husband are best friends. At least he’s mine 😉

A lot many times when we look at each other, I pat my back and silently whisper to my self “what a guy he’s been!!”. Not that we don’t have our bring-the-house-down-moment. But he’s a good guy.

We both had heard a lot of stories on how marriage is something that happens between families, it is not something individuals like the bride and groom are supposed to take too personally. Of course we rebelled, and then we learnt that they weren’t that off the mark either. Most of the conflicts between us are really about the differences between the boy his parents have raised and the girl my parents have raised.

Every time we reach the point where we just can’t believe how the other can be so insensitive or expressionless (in my case overtly-expressive) all we have to do is back off and remember how different the idea of “everyday normal” is in the families we grew up in. Consciously or not we feel compelled to recreate the same “normal” in our new family as adults and his normal and my normal look at each other as if the other is really very abnormal indeed.

I have secretly been taking notes all the time in this 5 year+ marriage and this is my very first list of things that I have learnt from watching him while he thought I was immersed in my social media propaganda.

1) Learn to speak for self – I wait to run home to spell out every little thing that happened to me in the entire course of the day. And somehow this guy has figured that in most of my reporting to him, he does not see me retaliating, fighting or engaging in war of words. Off late i have become some and its because of how highly he thinks of women and how we neglect our inner voice. In short he’s my voice now. Most of my decisions now come from a securely-stable Heena

2) Learn to spend time on yourself/ switch yourself off – I never took pride in the celebrations of special days but this one silently does. And makes sure that I have my Me-time too. Encouragement in the forms of trips to salons/ spas/ gift coupons/ gifts makes life so much interesting.

4) Learn to be a good host – Over the years, I have finally stopped believing that people drop in to judge me or be served by me. We play with the kids that come over to our place, reminisce about old times with relatives, engage with topics of discussion that involves all. Its a happy place now.

5) Drink tea and do nothing: In the beginning it is very hard. It is very difficult not to participate in urgent global crisis by reading the news and updating one’s Facebook status. It is hard not to do things like sort laundry and re-arrange shoe racks in the house. Then you get better at it.

There is nothing like having a role model at hand to learn life skills from and if you are as sterling as I am and have fallen in love with a strange person (this is the only way love works, actually), I hope you are using every opportunity you get to beat the strange person at his own game by learning his repertoire of tricks while he is busy drinking tea and doing nothing.

#love #like #ours #happiness #bond #couples #love #couplegoals #couple #couplesgoals #relationshipgoals #wedding #relationships #marriage #relationship #goals #romance #family

 

 

We’re all a little fragile!

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Oh, the truth behind these five simple words. And the corny, cliche, totally-not-me-but-I’m-going-to-say-it meaning behind the butterfly wing in the picture.

At one point in our life, we’ve all been a caterpillar-lazy, slow, fat, and green. Well, almost. We’ve been in a rut, where we feel useless. We all know that good things come to those who wait, that we will all be butterflies one day, but we can’t help but feel like we’re the only ones that feel this way. We think we’re alone, that we’ll be the last caterpillar to evolve. We’re sad, we’re tired, we’re so emotionally drained that at times anything seems better than the life we’re living.

Then, very slowly, we go into the cocoon state. We’re in that awkward transition phase, where we know we’re headed for something better, but can’t quite see it yet.

Very slowly, our shell starts to break. We see the bright new future, the changed us, the butterflies that we’re meant to be. We feel as if nothing changed, but we start to notice after a while. We have colors, we can fly, we’re happy.

Yet, those wings are not meant solely for flying. They’re there to remind us of our past, of how fragile and delicate we truly are. They remind us that we can always get hurt, but it’s okay, because we’re not alone.

You are not alone.

We are all a little fragile.

It’s okay to feel down. It’s okay to cry, to get it all out. It’s okay not to think. Whatever anyone tells you, it’s okay to be you. I can’t tell you how many times I have cried a bucket and wondered why life is so hard. And many have been doing so. They’ve been suppressing their emotions for so long because they’ve been taught to respond that way. They’ve been taught to be strong.

But you can’t be strong forever.

It’s okay to be you.

How to remove confusion in your life?

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Here is what I did to remove it from my life

Confusion happens only because:

We want everything we dont have (greed) and

We dont want to give up what we have (fear)

The first one can be resolved by simply

Choosing ONE thing – commitment

(does not matter what it is)

The second one automatically vanishes if you do the first one well. It is more a test of character than anything else

If it does not vanish then maybe you are just fighting too hard in your mind, and actually making it stay. Have faith on yourself & then on the world, let go

Life will give you exactly what you want if you are committed

Once you have chosen ONE thing

Just

Focus & Do ONE Thing (DOT)

Results will follow you dont need to worry about them.

By Sandeep Kochchar, Storyteller BleWMinds Consulting

Going on 33

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I’m a 32 year-old writer, less than six months away from 33.

Over the weekend, my mom called me 35.

And I gulped.

Staring down the barrel of 40, the list of what I haven’t done is miles longer than what I have.

I haven’t written a book.

I haven’t been published in The Vogue, Femina, who’s who journal.

I’ve never penned an interesting story.

Nor appeared in print.

I haven’t founded a company, built a product, or been a Manager.

I’m not a “top-rated speaker.” Nobody’s paying me 100k, 10k, or even 1k to show up and open my mouth.

I’ve never gone viral.

All I am is all I am. And what I am is …

Wife to one husband.

Cheerleader to some amazing girls.

Yoga lover.

I have a job I love.

I work with unbelievably talented people who are wicked smart.

And I’m f****** good at what I do.

More importantly, I’m better at what I do today than I was a year and a half ago, a year ago, six months ago.

I’m sober.

My friends answer my calls and tell me the truth.

I’m a 32-year-old writer. Less than six months from 33.

So, yeah, life is pretty good, mom. Still … no need to rush things.

#Letsgetthisrolling #lifeasitgets