“You are your husband’s pet Heena.”
“No one gets a husband like that.”
Yes no one does. But I have always been a special needs child from the time I remember. I received love just when i needed and just as much amount i should have and yes that gets me comments like above.
I and my husband are best friends. At least he’s mine 😉
A lot many times when we look at each other, I pat my back and silently whisper to my self “what a guy he’s been!!”. Not that we don’t have our bring-the-house-down-moment. But he’s a good guy.
We both had heard a lot of stories on how marriage is something that happens between families, it is not something individuals like the bride and groom are supposed to take too personally. Of course we rebelled, and then we learnt that they weren’t that off the mark either. Most of the conflicts between us are really about the differences between the boy his parents have raised and the girl my parents have raised.
Every time we reach the point where we just can’t believe how the other can be so insensitive or expressionless (in my case overtly-expressive) all we have to do is back off and remember how different the idea of “everyday normal” is in the families we grew up in. Consciously or not we feel compelled to recreate the same “normal” in our new family as adults and his normal and my normal look at each other as if the other is really very abnormal indeed.
I have secretly been taking notes all the time in this 5 year+ marriage and this is my very first list of things that I have learnt from watching him while he thought I was immersed in my social media propaganda.
1) Learn to speak for self – I wait to run home to spell out every little thing that happened to me in the entire course of the day. And somehow this guy has figured that in most of my reporting to him, he does not see me retaliating, fighting or engaging in war of words. Off late i have become some and its because of how highly he thinks of women and how we neglect our inner voice. In short he’s my voice now. Most of my decisions now come from a securely-stable Heena
2) Learn to spend time on yourself/ switch yourself off – I never took pride in the celebrations of special days but this one silently does. And makes sure that I have my Me-time too. Encouragement in the forms of trips to salons/ spas/ gift coupons/ gifts makes life so much interesting.
4) Learn to be a good host – Over the years, I have finally stopped believing that people drop in to judge me or be served by me. We play with the kids that come over to our place, reminisce about old times with relatives, engage with topics of discussion that involves all. Its a happy place now.
5) Drink tea and do nothing: In the beginning it is very hard. It is very difficult not to participate in urgent global crisis by reading the news and updating one’s Facebook status. It is hard not to do things like sort laundry and re-arrange shoe racks in the house. Then you get better at it.
There is nothing like having a role model at hand to learn life skills from and if you are as sterling as I am and have fallen in love with a strange person (this is the only way love works, actually), I hope you are using every opportunity you get to beat the strange person at his own game by learning his repertoire of tricks while he is busy drinking tea and doing nothing.
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