Love is beautiful!!

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“All that matters is how he swept you off your feet.” These were the common lines I came across in every chicklit i read. I agree hands down that I am a fairy-tale person who dreamt of a Knight-in-Shining-Armour with Band, Baja and Baarat every night. 

And so for a while I believed that just like my other cousins there shall be someone who’ll come to see me, discuss the technicalities of life and agree to be my life partner only to realize that such decisions can’t and shouldn’t be taken over night. I have had my share of rishtas where I was rejected/ short-listed/ long-waited etc. Where every brain in my cell would tell me that I was hopelessly trying to do something I was not meant for and made it quite clear that Love cannot be an arrangement. Marriage is not a game. Quite early I realized that most arranged marriages stand on fickle earth. Caste. Religion. Family-background. Nationality. Occupation. Labels. You’re marrying labels. Stop marrying labels, start marrying people.

I remember it was instilled in me for long to ‘First study, go to college, get a job and then a boy will automatically want to marry you’. Who is your husband marrying then? Is he marrying you? Or is he marrying the 24 hr maid or a five-figure job? I’d rather spend my life with a guy who loved me when I was no one, who’d love me for me the chick lit loving, Titanic-crying, deep-feeling, crazily adventurous, drama spouting bag that I am.

I have been in love. It is a wonderful wonderful feeling. It cannot be simulated or faked or arranged. You simply cannot throw two supposedly “compatible” individuals together and tell them to fall in love. Love is a spontaneous reaction. There’s this thing about love, it comes knocking at the unlikeliest of times and if you can plan it then it isn’t love.

When you marry someone you forge that ONE relationship that you get a say in. I couldn’t choose who gets to be my parents or who gets to be my sister. It was all by default. But when it comes to my husband, that choice is all mine. The very nature of the choice puts that relationship on a different level, it exists because it is ALL me, I initiated it, I worked on it, I willed it into being. And this one guy destined to be my husband is too special to be picked out in a cattle-fair.

If you’ve never loved or seen love, the romantic earth-shattering-sleep-deprived kinds how will you know what you’re missing out on? I have seen first hand what J has done for me and I can’t settle for anything less. I want those random dreamy-loved-up looks across the room, I want to not stop texting 20+ years into marriage, I want fresh carnations at every-meets, I want framed greeting-cards that bear ‘yours and only yours’, I want ‘I’ll-carry-you-to-the-room’, I want weekend movie-watching/cuddling and I want mock super-competitive pictionary/taboo/card games. I refuse to believe that this zing, spark, twinning of souls can be “gamed” or “matched”.

I know how beautiful a marriage can be. I want all this. I want more. There is no one who knows me better than me. And the one great decision of whose face every morning’s sun-rays will bounce off to meet mine will be mine and mine alone.

Us

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PLAY

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Play

If you could my favorite love song

When you came that played along

As it all just slipped away

While we held on and on

Say

Everything we need to hear

Find everyday someone new to speak to

And hope they’ll understand as you go on and on

Love never meant I get to keep you

Stay

With your quiet delicious laughter

And the magic that comes after

Have faith in me that I can manage

To be your slave, to be your master

Hey

Come closer 

Even though the music’s over

And there’s no more revelry

But all I wanted is your shoulder

Pressed hard against the heart of me

Stray

Along long empty and lonely streets

Selling myself to the old deceits

Like I will find love at last

And at last know what it’s like

To sleep

Without watching over my scattered thoughts

Give up their quiet deep

And come out almost like an angry meek

To stray

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27 and not shying away!!!

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So today on December 3rd I turn 27! Yippee! 27 to me feels like a nice grown up age, and I am happy to be here. And so in my old older age I would like to share 27 things I learned before turning 27;

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1. Take care of the ones you love, and they will stay with you no matter how far away you are.

2. Treating your body well will reflect in all aspects of your life.

3. Do what you love and money will come but the stress it puts on you will stay much longer if you decide that only MONEY can give you happiness.

4. Have confidence in yourself and your ideas.

5. Soda and McDonald’s are evil.

6. You can always change your habits, it just takes desire.

7. It’s okay to break the rules, as long as you are good enough not to get caught and you aren’t hurting anyone.

8. Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

9. Time doesn’t heal anything- it’s what you do with that time.

10.Complaining and blaming other people doesn’t help anything, and makes you miserable company.

11.Everything in your life is your responsibility.

12.You train people how to treat you.

13.Forgiveness is for YOURSELF and no one else.

14.You can always be grateful for something.

15.If you aren’t making mistakes, you aren’t trying hard enough.

16.You never really become an adult. You just get more responsibility, and become wiser.

17.Showing emotion is not a sign of weakness. Knowing when it is appropriate is a skill.

18.Being silly is one of my favorite qualities in a person. 😛

19.You should never stop learning, or trying to be a better person.

20.When people show you who they are, believe them.

21.Enjoy the seasons, they are one of the few constants in our lives and can always bring back memories we had forgotten.

22.It’s a comforting feeling to look back and realize your were a dumb ass.

23.Reading lets your inner dialogue run wild. It’s good for the soul.

24.Find the little things to enjoy in the present. Waiting for the future is exhausting.

25.Be the change you want to see in the world. And don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t help fix it.

26.Crying almost always makes you feel better.

27.Honesty is always the easiest route. Even if it’s not in the short term.

Most of my life I have done things that probably been against the common notion. When people expected me to be going great, I nosedived into failure. Just when they thought I wasn’t going anywhere I literally went places. To this day my life has been a journey of good, awesome and fantastic. Most of this year has been the time, when people expected my calls to be of my wedding-invitation calls.
Will I, wont I ?? That’s probably time will tell but at this moment I am happy taking my parents and my extended family for super-expensive shopping trips, paying the bills, rushing through the crowded Mumbai on my way to office, setting some benchmarks at work, learning as much as I can from my revered colleagues, and smiling for pictures as often as I can.

Thank you to every person I love who has taught me something, or encouraged me along the way. Like always I will count by blessings and turn into HIM for everything. J

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Pati ka Aatank!!

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I have noticed that an Indian Naari in her twenties is mostly judged based on her marital status. The prospect of being 26+ and unmarried at the same time is equal to eating meat at a temple which is astoundingly shocking and inappropriate. This fact has annoyed me to such an extent in the past that it actually stopped affecting me for a while until today.

Over the past 6 years I have seen my group of single friends dwindling at a fast pace. At a point it appeared to me that a higher number of the human population started to believe that the world was coming to an end in 2012 and all women in their twenties had to be married away so that they could at least die “Suhagan”. Well  if the 2012 myth was really true what is the whole point in getting married now anyways?

When asked to define husband I have always said “Those mean men who steal away the glorious times with your girlfriends.”

For instance think of a few girls with whom you grew up since you were 3 years old, girls who saw you fall off the swing, girls from whose fridge you ate up ever best south-indian delicacies n Swiss chocolates, girls with whom you learnt sine cos theta in Math, colorful paintings in painting classes, girls whose pencils and erasers you borrowed, lost them and never returned, girls with whom book reading with voice-modulation was the IN-thing, and girls who actually saw you with no make-up and eyebrows like Kroor Singh from Chandrakanta 😉

To the above girls add those girls you ran to discuss your first crush paranoia with, girls whose cry-baby faces you remember on the first day of your school/college, girls with whom you shared all your master copies of assignments and girls who lovingly lent you their Nokia phone to play the brick game and make prank calls to the stupid professor. Mix them together. Top this off with those girls who were there with you through more mature and major phases in your life for e.g. during your joblessness, through the rejection at Army/Air Force Conference, girls who helped you do silly yet meaningful things such as unnecessary shopping, aimless conversations into the night and gave you the right kind of advice when you were totally out of place.

Marriage changes each one of these girls. You are then conveniently shoved into the back of their heads. And if you are lucky enough they’ll probably think of you once in a year when it’s your birthday. (Medha you are an exception) I have tried to understand and reason with them which are total waste. Why does the whole wide world revolve around their husbands? Actually the weirdest thing is that when a man remains a boy friend the girl is all normal. The trouble begins only when the boyfriend turns into a husband. What is it? Is it the responsibility? Is it the sex? Is it the whole deal with being a  “Bharatiya Nari”? I wonder!

Although this is directed to every married girl in general and no one in particular I am just in the mood to do some random rambling.

  • You cannot make a call to her after 6 PM. That’s because her husband’s with her. Also calling on a weekend is a total privacy encroachment.
  • You no longer get to hear any juicy details “Yes, we did it and it’s no big deal” is all you get to hear from the same girl who described to you, her first kiss for about an hour.
  • The entire Facebook is now dedicated to her husband. Her profile pics, cover pics, statuses, you name it and all you see is “mera pati, mera pati, mera pati.” Yeah! Deal with all the lovey-dovey updates, her husband is the best man on earth.
  • Don’t bother buying her any gifts. Your little piece of love will seem like David in front of Goliath. The mean guy, her husband, would have already purchased the city for her.
  • Face it! No conversation is complete without the Patidev finding his way in.
  • She hasn’t had the time to call you in 5 months? Consider yourself lucky, there is a mutual friend she hasn’t called for about 8 months now.
  • You tell her that you are still lying lazily in bed at 9am on Karvachauth. She will sound like you are a homo of the highest order
  • No more trips with her. No, not even if you ask her 6 months ahead. She already has the next decade planned out.
  • Pati is Parameshwar.
  • Get married! It’s the way to be. It’s amazing (right!! I see you mob around, run behind children, make dabbas for your husband n that’s the way to be )
  • Learn the language of a 1 year old; she will make you talk to them quite often.
  • If she posted tons of messages on your Facebook wall earlier, drop your hopes now. She will seem sooooper busy with her life and absolutely dead on social networking sites but hey, she has the time to ‘LIKE’ all the posts by her husband. She will console you by asking you to go and look at her old messages. “Facebook has Timeline now, what for?”
  •  Texting equals hours of conversations on the phone.
  • Oh! She had a favorite hero? Her husband is her life-time hero now.
  • She will tell you that she was engaged in April, to be married in December, sometime in May. It really doesn’t matter to her that you weren’t informed. Look out for the excuses! Horoscopes, elders-ka-mamla, nazar-lag-jati and a butt load of crap. (This is specifically targeted to the crazy woman who actually did this to me)

I hope I haven’t rubbed anyone on the wrong side. Its just that a part of me still misses being around you and do the silly old thing. Remember we had planned to stay single all our lives!! 😉 that’s too much to ask now but I can atleast figure on your to-do-list-of the month!!! 🙂

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THE INTOLERABLES!!!

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Its everyday that we somehow get to know people either by their behavior or their characteristic traits that leaves us thinking about them for a minute. Like is that really happening!! OMG did he just prove himself he’s THE A$$!! Do they really exist!! Man!! How much I would have the rest of my life without knowing that thing..so on n so forth..

I have had few such lists. Many a times people tell me not to categorize people but I guess its fun. That saves you the trouble of knowing them further which will only add to the hatred you may have for them. Men haven’t been the “AVIBHAJYA” part of my life. What I mean is somehow through growing up with hoardes of cousins, uncles and ofcourse the B.E.Mech boys I have become pretty good judgemental as to what next!! So enjoy reading this post if you know exactly what I mean.. 🙂
HAPPY READING!!!!

The Kumbhakarans

Kumbhakaran was a demon who slept for six months in a year. And I have noticed men can sleep anywhere at any given time and in any position..huh.. Nothing can ever stop them. Be it an earthquake, a bulldozer rampaging into their house, a woman’s hue and cry, a siren, or theft or even something like a dog licking them; sleep wins, come what may! I’m sure the childhood fairy tale that I was very fond of “The Sleeping Beauty” is one huge piece of bull shit. This story talks of a beautiful princess who is cursed to sleep for a very long time and is awakened by a kiss from a handsome prince. I would like to imagine that it was not the princess who was in slumber for a century but the Prince. Only a man can sleep for a century and beyond and not wake up even if his princess kissed him. He can sleep on a chair, on the couch, on the ground, on a pile of dirt or in his own vomit. Even a Himesh Reshammiya song cannot wake him up.

It just baffles me. Are they designed to ‘switch off’ their nervous system when they sleep? Do men go deaf when they fall asleep? Can they seriously not hear their phone ring? How can they sleep for 15 hours straight?

The Ghajinis

Although this name has always revolved around the man who never accepted defeat until he conquered the Indian sub-continent, thanks to A.R Murgadoss’ effort in various languages, the name now signifies a man with amnesia. Men forget all the time. It makes me wonder how they even managed to pull along through high school. How did they devour 15 kgs of Social Studies text books by heart when they cannot remember the name of their favorite novel? I would like to think that this is no selective amnesia. Oh! believe me, they do not remember anything. Is it uncommon that a guy  walks up to you when you are busy flipping the pages of your notebook 30 minutes before an exam and asks with a ‘cool dude’ attitude, “What are you studying? Do we have an exam today?” See, I told you its not selective amnesia. They forget everything. Birthdays, anniversaries, reservations, keys, exams, deadlines, submissions, itineraries, credit card payments, debts, groceries, what you talk, and YOU!!! huh…

Did God give them a peanut sized brain that probably has 1 GB memory? Do they use the entire 1 GB space to remember their full name and nothing else? That seriously baffles me!! 

The Mantharas

Manthara was a maid of Kaikeyi who was a sly. She apparently poisoned Kaikeyi’s mind to banish Lord Rama to the forest. I am constantly reminded of Manthara when I see men who gossip. Everyone on earth who has a functioning tongue gossips. That is obvious. But who ever said men dont gossip? Women are interested in and enjoy gossip but so do men. To my understanding, women generally bitch about people whom they despise. For men, this rule does not apply. They have all the time on this planet to gossip about anything it just has to have the ability to move. Be it about your best friend’s secret boyfriend someone’s third cousin’s husband’s lawsuit or their favorite action hero’s dirty mistress or cooking up stories to end your long lasting friendship with few of your friends. They need to hear it all and they listen to all of it with the same enthusiasm. They possibly can channelize their energy only in two directions one is to sleep and the other is to gossip. :/

I dont understand one thing that why do we still fool ourselves that men dont gossip?

The Slugs

Nothing disgusts me more than watching a slug after a rainy day. They are everywhere and dont get out of you way. Oh wait!! They were created to walk very slowly not their fault for being lazy. But what about lazy men? They are too lazy to shower, too lazy to cook, too lazy to brush, too lazy to get out of bed, too lazy to pick the damn phone and return your call, too lazy to text you back, too lazy to finish their assignments on time, too lazy to help with cleaning. This group of men is more of a mixture of The Kumbhakarans and The Ghajinis in varying proportions. Are lazy men active enough to clean up after ‘nature calls them’? 😉

The MCPs

I have been calling a hell lot of men MCP’s from the time I gotto know its meaning. Much has already been said and written about Male Chauvinistic Pigs and there is nothing new I can add to it. This is the category of men who are buffaloes and have very sharp horns. They take immense pleasure in charging with their over grown male egoistic horns at independent women who they assume are secretly feeble. Too bad they assume things too early only to be proven strongly WRONGED!! 

The Guttermouths

The entire sewage system in India empties itself into their already foul mouths. To this group belong those men who eve-tease and torture you both on and outside college grounds. I personally know five such men. I mean, bad luck humped my back for about a year and I had to deal with them. I sincerely hope they go to hell or rest in pieces!!!

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I feel like a teenager!!

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They say you are as old as you think you are. And now I understand why it is so.

I was the brainy-kid in the family. Something my parents always wanted. I was pushed into a lot many things as a child. Bharatnatyam, Sea Cadet Corps, Karate, Bal-vihar, workshops, libraries etc. Dad and Mum always wanted me to be an overall kid. My sister on the other hand was a pampered one as the whole attention was on my upbringing and I think they thought she would eventually follow, looking at me. So having trusted upon with so much expectation I HAD to do all of the things and not miss a single thing. I never really went to tuitions except in Xth and XIIth. Mom and Dad would tutor me at home. I used to have a strict schedule ala princess minus the privileges. I was always taught “You only EARN stuff; you never GET them for free”. So on day one of my academics Mom and Dad would ask me for a wish list for that year and they would be arranged on the basis of the most NEEDED one. So that was my target. If I would come first at school or the short term classes I would get this n that. That is how I earned my first cycle, first watch, my walkman, my jeans, my wallet, my first BALLET shoes, Casio piano, tidbits from Archie’s, my first coffee mug, my first Pierre Cardin pen, my first gold chain with a heart-shaped locket etc.

It was early learning for me, always chasing something or the other. When I moved out of school it was the college degree, then the Armed Forces, then a PG degree and then a job. I never quite remember what I actually did when I was teenager!! When people would go to Navy Balls looking for BFs I was busy texting them and helping them how to take the first move or what to say if asked for a dance. When people were busy coloring their hair, I was busy putting oil on my sister’s head. When people were roaming around with so called can-be-might-be, I was busy planning for slumber with my gurlies. I never quite lived it as I was concerned with and chasing my next goal. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think of boys at that age but then Nick Carter, Enrique, Milind Soman were my only can-be-might-be. Also not to forget I felt extremely guilty to indulge in the teenage-thingies coz my cousins on the other hand were less privileged ones and I at that time I didn’t want to end up with a husband who would expect a room-service ala thingy.

I was scared most of the time. I wanted to spend my own money. Why put the burden on one’s parent? It was more than enough that they paid for the education and mostly let a GIRL study when the others in the family went against saying “she wouldn’t find a match!!” Thank God for not letting my parents listen to it.

And today I have a decent job, still chasing a dream job. But I have found that youthfulness back, have colored my hair, sit for fish pedicures, take out little kids for a night walk with a friend’s dog, run and exercise, wear colors with accessories even to office , listen to the music I should have had, speak for hours with the ones who stood by, go out for movies ALONE, put up statuses that coz furor, watch the silliest of movie on the phone and do FB all day long just like school kids and most of all be with family as much as I can. It aint satisfying but it definitely feels like I am doing my thing. And I don’t worry about anyone coming along anymore. Coz if it has to, it will. And when it does, it will leave me with “OMG”… 🙂

कंटाळ येतो आता !!!

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“राणी……………………………. राणी …………………..!!!” च्या गजराने माझी संडे मॉर्निंग झोप उडाली |

मला हे गजर काही अनोळखी नाही| एस्पेशिअली जेव्हा ते दोन वेळा खेचून बोल्ले गेलेलं असता | मी फटकन उठून चादर घडी करून बाथरूम कडे धाव घेतला नोइंग मम्मी तापलेली आहे | 
 
१५ मिनिटात सगळं आवरून मी लिविंग रूम मधे हजेरी लावली | बघते तर काय आमचं होम मिनिस्टर , सेक्युरिटी ऑफिसर आणि गुप्तचर विभाग एका गोलमेझ सम्मेलना साठी बसलेले होते | नेहमी सारखी ती बीन बग हॉट सीट सारखी माझी वाट पाहत उभी होती , मी खच करून बैसले आणि जसा एखादा शेल स्नेल ला सामावतं तसा त्याने मला सामावून घेतलं | 
 
मम्मी नी लेप्टोप ऑन केला आणि उघडल्या त्या नको नकोश्या वाटणाऱ्या matrimonial साईट्स | अन मग बघता बघता तिने सगळ्या साईट्स च्या स्टेट्स काढल्या अन सुरु झाली| I tell you, मला झालेल्या गोष्टीन वरून छळलेल अजिबात आवडत नाही | त्यात मम्मी पप्पांना घेऊन बसली म्हणजे मी इमोशनली ब्लेक्मेल्ड and i just dont have any rights to argue.
 
मग सुरु झाली वन वे ट्रेफिक सारखी गत | फक्त मान हलवायची | आणि त्याचा एंड result काय निघाला : मला वधू-वर मेळाव्यात न्यायचे ठरले | आता नाही म्हणाली असती तर माझी “all girls night out” प्रोब्लेम मधे पडली असती | आणि पप्पांनी हि गुपचूप सांगितला कि ते मला तिथून लवकर पळवतील , मग काय मी तयार १० मिनिटात | पप्पांचा आवडता ड्रेस घातला म्हंटल्यावर गाडीची चाबी न मागता माझ्या हातात 🙂 
 
मग आम्ही तिघे निघालो बोरिवलीच्या एका मेळाव्यात | It was my first so I had no clue what to even expect. पण तिथे मुली अश्या नटून थाटून आलेल्या कि मुलगा तयार असल्यास आजच लग्न करून मोकळे होतील 😉 (poor boys!!!! )
 
आम्हाला एका टेबल कडे बसवले गेलं अन मग सुरु झाले बघणं and all. मी टोटली spellbound होते , मम्मी जे म्हणायची करायची , atleast १० -१५ अनोळखी लोकांच्या  सहजा पाया पडले असेन , नशीब ती नवरात्र आणि गणपती ची सवय होती नाही तर माझा काही खरा नवतं | मुलं जास्त शिकली नवती पण attitude असा कि shahrukh khan ला हि लाज वाटेल huh..mannerisms नाही etiquettes नाही …urrrggghhhhh..छळन्या पेक्षा कमी नव्हता | मम्मीच्या मनाच्या शांती साठी ते हि केला, उद्याला तिला म्हणायला नको मी कमी पडले |
 
१ तसा नंतर तीच म्हणाली चला निघूया एवढा काही नाहीये इथे | घरी आलो अन गोगल गाय सारखी मम्मी स्वतःच्या रूम मधे गेली , तेव्हा वाटलं जी lady मान वर करून माझ्या कीर्ती बद्दल म्हणायची तिची काय अवस्था झालीये | असा हि वाटलं का मी मुलगा नाहीये पण तेवढ्यात पप्पांची थाप पाठी वर पडली आणि ते म्हणाले “बघ आपल्याआप घरी चालून येईन तुझ्यासाठी एक राजा|” पप्पा जे म्हणतात नेहमी खरं होतं पण तेव्हा वाटलं लवकर ये रे मम्मी-पप्पांची इच्छा आहे खूप वाट पहिली आता !!!!!!!
 
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