THE INTOLERABLES!!!

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Its everyday that we somehow get to know people either by their behavior or their characteristic traits that leaves us thinking about them for a minute. Like is that really happening!! OMG did he just prove himself he’s THE A$$!! Do they really exist!! Man!! How much I would have the rest of my life without knowing that thing..so on n so forth..

I have had few such lists. Many a times people tell me not to categorize people but I guess its fun. That saves you the trouble of knowing them further which will only add to the hatred you may have for them. Men haven’t been the “AVIBHAJYA” part of my life. What I mean is somehow through growing up with hoardes of cousins, uncles and ofcourse the B.E.Mech boys I have become pretty good judgemental as to what next!! So enjoy reading this post if you know exactly what I mean.. 🙂
HAPPY READING!!!!

The Kumbhakarans

Kumbhakaran was a demon who slept for six months in a year. And I have noticed men can sleep anywhere at any given time and in any position..huh.. Nothing can ever stop them. Be it an earthquake, a bulldozer rampaging into their house, a woman’s hue and cry, a siren, or theft or even something like a dog licking them; sleep wins, come what may! I’m sure the childhood fairy tale that I was very fond of “The Sleeping Beauty” is one huge piece of bull shit. This story talks of a beautiful princess who is cursed to sleep for a very long time and is awakened by a kiss from a handsome prince. I would like to imagine that it was not the princess who was in slumber for a century but the Prince. Only a man can sleep for a century and beyond and not wake up even if his princess kissed him. He can sleep on a chair, on the couch, on the ground, on a pile of dirt or in his own vomit. Even a Himesh Reshammiya song cannot wake him up.

It just baffles me. Are they designed to ‘switch off’ their nervous system when they sleep? Do men go deaf when they fall asleep? Can they seriously not hear their phone ring? How can they sleep for 15 hours straight?

The Ghajinis

Although this name has always revolved around the man who never accepted defeat until he conquered the Indian sub-continent, thanks to A.R Murgadoss’ effort in various languages, the name now signifies a man with amnesia. Men forget all the time. It makes me wonder how they even managed to pull along through high school. How did they devour 15 kgs of Social Studies text books by heart when they cannot remember the name of their favorite novel? I would like to think that this is no selective amnesia. Oh! believe me, they do not remember anything. Is it uncommon that a guy  walks up to you when you are busy flipping the pages of your notebook 30 minutes before an exam and asks with a ‘cool dude’ attitude, “What are you studying? Do we have an exam today?” See, I told you its not selective amnesia. They forget everything. Birthdays, anniversaries, reservations, keys, exams, deadlines, submissions, itineraries, credit card payments, debts, groceries, what you talk, and YOU!!! huh…

Did God give them a peanut sized brain that probably has 1 GB memory? Do they use the entire 1 GB space to remember their full name and nothing else? That seriously baffles me!! 

The Mantharas

Manthara was a maid of Kaikeyi who was a sly. She apparently poisoned Kaikeyi’s mind to banish Lord Rama to the forest. I am constantly reminded of Manthara when I see men who gossip. Everyone on earth who has a functioning tongue gossips. That is obvious. But who ever said men dont gossip? Women are interested in and enjoy gossip but so do men. To my understanding, women generally bitch about people whom they despise. For men, this rule does not apply. They have all the time on this planet to gossip about anything it just has to have the ability to move. Be it about your best friend’s secret boyfriend someone’s third cousin’s husband’s lawsuit or their favorite action hero’s dirty mistress or cooking up stories to end your long lasting friendship with few of your friends. They need to hear it all and they listen to all of it with the same enthusiasm. They possibly can channelize their energy only in two directions one is to sleep and the other is to gossip. :/

I dont understand one thing that why do we still fool ourselves that men dont gossip?

The Slugs

Nothing disgusts me more than watching a slug after a rainy day. They are everywhere and dont get out of you way. Oh wait!! They were created to walk very slowly not their fault for being lazy. But what about lazy men? They are too lazy to shower, too lazy to cook, too lazy to brush, too lazy to get out of bed, too lazy to pick the damn phone and return your call, too lazy to text you back, too lazy to finish their assignments on time, too lazy to help with cleaning. This group of men is more of a mixture of The Kumbhakarans and The Ghajinis in varying proportions. Are lazy men active enough to clean up after ‘nature calls them’? 😉

The MCPs

I have been calling a hell lot of men MCP’s from the time I gotto know its meaning. Much has already been said and written about Male Chauvinistic Pigs and there is nothing new I can add to it. This is the category of men who are buffaloes and have very sharp horns. They take immense pleasure in charging with their over grown male egoistic horns at independent women who they assume are secretly feeble. Too bad they assume things too early only to be proven strongly WRONGED!! 

The Guttermouths

The entire sewage system in India empties itself into their already foul mouths. To this group belong those men who eve-tease and torture you both on and outside college grounds. I personally know five such men. I mean, bad luck humped my back for about a year and I had to deal with them. I sincerely hope they go to hell or rest in pieces!!!

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I feel like a teenager!!

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They say you are as old as you think you are. And now I understand why it is so.

I was the brainy-kid in the family. Something my parents always wanted. I was pushed into a lot many things as a child. Bharatnatyam, Sea Cadet Corps, Karate, Bal-vihar, workshops, libraries etc. Dad and Mum always wanted me to be an overall kid. My sister on the other hand was a pampered one as the whole attention was on my upbringing and I think they thought she would eventually follow, looking at me. So having trusted upon with so much expectation I HAD to do all of the things and not miss a single thing. I never really went to tuitions except in Xth and XIIth. Mom and Dad would tutor me at home. I used to have a strict schedule ala princess minus the privileges. I was always taught “You only EARN stuff; you never GET them for free”. So on day one of my academics Mom and Dad would ask me for a wish list for that year and they would be arranged on the basis of the most NEEDED one. So that was my target. If I would come first at school or the short term classes I would get this n that. That is how I earned my first cycle, first watch, my walkman, my jeans, my wallet, my first BALLET shoes, Casio piano, tidbits from Archie’s, my first coffee mug, my first Pierre Cardin pen, my first gold chain with a heart-shaped locket etc.

It was early learning for me, always chasing something or the other. When I moved out of school it was the college degree, then the Armed Forces, then a PG degree and then a job. I never quite remember what I actually did when I was teenager!! When people would go to Navy Balls looking for BFs I was busy texting them and helping them how to take the first move or what to say if asked for a dance. When people were busy coloring their hair, I was busy putting oil on my sister’s head. When people were roaming around with so called can-be-might-be, I was busy planning for slumber with my gurlies. I never quite lived it as I was concerned with and chasing my next goal. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think of boys at that age but then Nick Carter, Enrique, Milind Soman were my only can-be-might-be. Also not to forget I felt extremely guilty to indulge in the teenage-thingies coz my cousins on the other hand were less privileged ones and I at that time I didn’t want to end up with a husband who would expect a room-service ala thingy.

I was scared most of the time. I wanted to spend my own money. Why put the burden on one’s parent? It was more than enough that they paid for the education and mostly let a GIRL study when the others in the family went against saying “she wouldn’t find a match!!” Thank God for not letting my parents listen to it.

And today I have a decent job, still chasing a dream job. But I have found that youthfulness back, have colored my hair, sit for fish pedicures, take out little kids for a night walk with a friend’s dog, run and exercise, wear colors with accessories even to office , listen to the music I should have had, speak for hours with the ones who stood by, go out for movies ALONE, put up statuses that coz furor, watch the silliest of movie on the phone and do FB all day long just like school kids and most of all be with family as much as I can. It aint satisfying but it definitely feels like I am doing my thing. And I don’t worry about anyone coming along anymore. Coz if it has to, it will. And when it does, it will leave me with “OMG”… 🙂

कंटाळ येतो आता !!!

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“राणी……………………………. राणी …………………..!!!” च्या गजराने माझी संडे मॉर्निंग झोप उडाली |

मला हे गजर काही अनोळखी नाही| एस्पेशिअली जेव्हा ते दोन वेळा खेचून बोल्ले गेलेलं असता | मी फटकन उठून चादर घडी करून बाथरूम कडे धाव घेतला नोइंग मम्मी तापलेली आहे | 
 
१५ मिनिटात सगळं आवरून मी लिविंग रूम मधे हजेरी लावली | बघते तर काय आमचं होम मिनिस्टर , सेक्युरिटी ऑफिसर आणि गुप्तचर विभाग एका गोलमेझ सम्मेलना साठी बसलेले होते | नेहमी सारखी ती बीन बग हॉट सीट सारखी माझी वाट पाहत उभी होती , मी खच करून बैसले आणि जसा एखादा शेल स्नेल ला सामावतं तसा त्याने मला सामावून घेतलं | 
 
मम्मी नी लेप्टोप ऑन केला आणि उघडल्या त्या नको नकोश्या वाटणाऱ्या matrimonial साईट्स | अन मग बघता बघता तिने सगळ्या साईट्स च्या स्टेट्स काढल्या अन सुरु झाली| I tell you, मला झालेल्या गोष्टीन वरून छळलेल अजिबात आवडत नाही | त्यात मम्मी पप्पांना घेऊन बसली म्हणजे मी इमोशनली ब्लेक्मेल्ड and i just dont have any rights to argue.
 
मग सुरु झाली वन वे ट्रेफिक सारखी गत | फक्त मान हलवायची | आणि त्याचा एंड result काय निघाला : मला वधू-वर मेळाव्यात न्यायचे ठरले | आता नाही म्हणाली असती तर माझी “all girls night out” प्रोब्लेम मधे पडली असती | आणि पप्पांनी हि गुपचूप सांगितला कि ते मला तिथून लवकर पळवतील , मग काय मी तयार १० मिनिटात | पप्पांचा आवडता ड्रेस घातला म्हंटल्यावर गाडीची चाबी न मागता माझ्या हातात 🙂 
 
मग आम्ही तिघे निघालो बोरिवलीच्या एका मेळाव्यात | It was my first so I had no clue what to even expect. पण तिथे मुली अश्या नटून थाटून आलेल्या कि मुलगा तयार असल्यास आजच लग्न करून मोकळे होतील 😉 (poor boys!!!! )
 
आम्हाला एका टेबल कडे बसवले गेलं अन मग सुरु झाले बघणं and all. मी टोटली spellbound होते , मम्मी जे म्हणायची करायची , atleast १० -१५ अनोळखी लोकांच्या  सहजा पाया पडले असेन , नशीब ती नवरात्र आणि गणपती ची सवय होती नाही तर माझा काही खरा नवतं | मुलं जास्त शिकली नवती पण attitude असा कि shahrukh khan ला हि लाज वाटेल huh..mannerisms नाही etiquettes नाही …urrrggghhhhh..छळन्या पेक्षा कमी नव्हता | मम्मीच्या मनाच्या शांती साठी ते हि केला, उद्याला तिला म्हणायला नको मी कमी पडले |
 
१ तसा नंतर तीच म्हणाली चला निघूया एवढा काही नाहीये इथे | घरी आलो अन गोगल गाय सारखी मम्मी स्वतःच्या रूम मधे गेली , तेव्हा वाटलं जी lady मान वर करून माझ्या कीर्ती बद्दल म्हणायची तिची काय अवस्था झालीये | असा हि वाटलं का मी मुलगा नाहीये पण तेवढ्यात पप्पांची थाप पाठी वर पडली आणि ते म्हणाले “बघ आपल्याआप घरी चालून येईन तुझ्यासाठी एक राजा|” पप्पा जे म्हणतात नेहमी खरं होतं पण तेव्हा वाटलं लवकर ये रे मम्मी-पप्पांची इच्छा आहे खूप वाट पहिली आता !!!!!!!
 
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21 Sutras To Live Life Unconditionally!!!!!!

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ONE
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE
Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR
When you say, “I love you,” mean it.

FIVE
When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.

SIX
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN
Don’t believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT
Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

NINE
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

TEN
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN
Don’t judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE
Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN
When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”

FOURTEEN
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN
Say “God bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson .

SEVENTEEN
Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE
Spend some time alone.

How Starbucks Saved My Life!!!

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I read a number of books in the last couple of weeks. One among those was ‘How Starbucks Saved My Life’ by Michael Gates Gill and it did strike a different perspective on life, though very mildly. A life that has suddenly switched from one of prestige, power, money, glam and glitz to that of an ordinary common man, a barista at Starbucks.

It is the sweet bitter story in the first few chapters which transforms into a bitter sweet tale in the later half of the book. It’s the story of Michael Gates Gill who was born in a highly reputed family and was son to Brendan Gill, well-known writer for the New Yorker. Gill’s early life was all that one could aspire for, education at Yale University, job at the prestigious J. Walter Thompson advertising agency, acquaintance with Ernest Hemmingway and other crème de la crème in the field of literature, etc. You name it; he had it, all the symbols of modern day success and badges of material accomplishments by the time he was fifty.

One fine day J. Walter Thompson un-ceremonially dismisses him, thanking Gill for his service for more than two and a half decades. A high profile executive is now unemployed and that too at a time when he discovers that he is a new father with a woman he had an affair with and needs to take care of a little girl. The affair brings an end to his twenty-year marriage and he is isolated from his former wife and his children. Life comes to a sudden halt as Gill is also diagnosed with a small tumor in his head. Depression and cover of darkness dominates Gill’s life.

With no money, no health insurance, and no prospects, one day Gill spends his time in a Manhattan Starbucks with his last affordable luxury “a latte” brooding about his misfortune and how to take care of his little baby girl. Something magical happens and a young African-American woman asks the suit clad Gill if he is looking a job. Gill accepts the offer without a second thought and later learns that the godsend, 28 year old young woman, Crystal, is a Starbucks manager.

Once on job floor, Gill undergoes a major shift in life from commanding an army of advertising specialists to scrubbing toilets, making coffee, handling the cash counter and doing other day-to-day activities at Starbucks working with a team of young African-Americans. Gill, the only old white guy in the team begins to see life from a different perspective, appreciates the harsh realities of survival, and also rectifies his ingrained prejudices related to many aspects. Respect and kindness become his crutches, when his entire armor of entitlement had been stripped away. Gill learns from his co-workers who are half his age in their mid twenties, that ‘gratitude’ and ‘will to fight’ doesn’t follow any equation having color, class, race, religion, age, skin pigmentation, language, or gender as variables.

Crossing over the Starbucks bar was the beginning of a dramatic transformation that cracked Gill’s world wide open. That’s the pulp of the storyline and so the name ‘How Starbucks Saved My Life’.

The book was a Ok Ok read though and I finished it in two sittings. At times I found that stories and the tales that Gill, the former corporate shark spews at regular intervals in the book were a bit kitschy. The author has spent page after page explaining how the utopian corporate culture of Starbucks transformed his life, the repeated theme of working with African-Americans, etc. While reading the book, I found these opinions were over done, often giving the impression that it was a Starbucks promotional pap impersonating as a memoir.

Audrey Hepburn’s Magic!!

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In the year 1992, while I was still in my 2nd grade the Cable TV mania started. My dad a movie fanatic applied for it as soon as he saw the ads in the dailies. All thanks to my dad that I have little sense in watching movies and understand the thickest of English and American accent. Well the point is we used to watch mostly the black and white movies of the golden era. Now you know where that Knight-in-Shining-Armour wish of mine comes from 😉
I was a total Audrey Hepburn and Nancy Davis fan while on the other hand dad liked Paul Newman,Marlon Brando and others I don’t remember. Audrey Hepburn I remember holds some kind of record for acting in the most number of movies set in Paris.

A few favorites amongst some of her less-discussed movies:

1. Two for the Road

I’ll never forget the very first time I saw this movie thanks to that one scene in which Audrey and Albert Finney discuss the silence of married people at restaurants. It’s the kind of writing that comes back to you at unexpected moments the simple honesty of little things that you never quite analyze until someone points it out to you and then it remains bound to your memory of that person forever.
This is not the movie for you if you’re looking for the “classic” Audrey Hepburn experience with the wide eyes, the chic clothes and the ladylike language – you’d have to choose director Stanley Donen’s two other, more famous, collaborations with Audrey for that fix (Funny Face, Charade).
An examination of a couple’s marriage over a decade as they go on various road trips, I often wonder how it would have played if Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton starred in it… and I mean that as a compliment 😉

2. Love in the Afternoon

This movie was an eye-roller even when it came out, but if you have a thing for Autumn-Spring romances then this is absolutely charming. It’s not as sweet as Sabrina but Gary Cooper works much better than Humphrey Bogart.
And as hilarious as that whole “connoisseur of women” stuff sounds in the trailer, it’s even more funny in the movie as you watch Cooper drip charm in a tuxedo tailored for Cary Grant. But it kind of works too you buy him as the great big, rough American millionaire who likes his dames with exotic accents. There’s a certain hard-living hint of sleaze about him that’s very unusual for roles of this kind. And Audrey is, of course, utterly delicious and extremely young.

3. How to steal a million

This was the movie that made me fall in love with Peter O’Toole despite my father’s best efforts to traumatize me as a child with repeated viewings of Lawrence of Arabia 😐
It’s really an amusing trifle but as a caper it hits just the right spot. O’Toole is adorable as the bemused would-be art thief shanghaied into helping a family of accomplished forgers thanks to the go-getter daughter of the house. It has the kind of 60s silliness that makes that whole era such fun be it the hi-tech gadgets or the yummy fashion and amazing cars. And smoking hot chemistry that doesn’t require anyone to get naked.
Well, maybe a little naked but it takes place discreetly offscreen 😉

It’s like chicken soup for my heart 🙂

ZODIAC GRILL ROCKS!! 24th August, 2010

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This was the most exquisite meal I’ve ever had. Rather I should say the Best Rakshabandhan surprise by a foodie brother to a foodie sister. Ketan n I have been one-of-a-kind cousins. We never fought in our lives ever and whenever we meet we start exactly from where we left our conversation last time; the last time could vary from months to years to ages to eons 🙂 This was the Rakshabandhan after 3 years as he would be travelling in the parts of the country and I would send him a Rakhi which he would get it tied from someone else. But this year he specifically asked me to buy a new dress and sent his credit card over for my shopping. 🙂 Little did I know that we were heading towards Zodiac Grill 🙂

Right from the cutlery and the crockery, rugs, glassware, tableware, linen, etc etc etc to the staff (who will make you feel like royalty even if they can tell by a single look that you saved half a month’s salary to eat there – My cousin did) 🙂
Crowd was completely La-Di-Dah. The restaurant does not even keep its doors open to enhance the element of exclusivity.

All the seven courses were delicious- creamy Corn chowder, lightly seared salmon, juicy shrimp, chicken cooked to perfection, soft panna cotta and the perfect balance achieved in caramel ice-cream with hot chocolate cake. My personal favorite was the cheese soufflé. I’ve never had something that melts in your mouth the way this soufflé does. This experience shall surely linger in my memory for a long time.
Meals for 2 with a glass of wine typically costs 14k-15k. Throw in a 10% tip and you know exactly what you are staring at (or digesting, if that makes you feel better).

You dont dine at the Zodiac Grill – you experience it. Save it for one of the most special ocassions of your life when nothing lesser than a Zodiac Grill will do. You wont regret it…..

Thanx Bhai for the experience 🙂

P.S–> sorry for not putting up a pic here. my brother was all geared up but it didn’t look royal to ask them to click a pic as it wud have been way too L.S!!!